What's in there for me?

What’s in there for me?

FLASHBACK

It was love at first sight.

I had gaped at her for some time, without the quiver of an eyelash.

She was an angel. Her face was heart shaped with a fine nose and well shaped shiny black eyebrows. Her lips were full and had promises in them. It was her eyes which tortured me. They were luminous black pools in which I wanted to drown myself to death. I had drunk her with both my eyes. I wanted to be with her till my last breath. I adored her.

I was mad with love.

The Almighty had created her for me. I wanted her with me for the rest of my life. I decided.

Meghna! What a lovely name. She has joined the first year post graduation degree as my junior. She stays at the girl’s hostel. She likes reading and is addicted to music and films. Danielle Steel, John Grisham, Bryan Adams, A.R Rahman, Al Pacino and the Kollywood silver screen sensation Surya are her favorites. Those are the priceless tidbits I had gathered from her self introduction at the welcome party thrown by us seniors for the juniors.

A male gets smitten with a female or viceversa happens to be the first step of love. The next step is to propose. And I couldn’t make it. Why?

My inferiority complex pulls me back.

I am not tall. My complexion is not good. I am the only one to my parents that my mother had pampered me a lot in my childhood days. She had pumped food into me and now my body loudly speaks about it. To make the conditions worse my hair is falling off at an alarming rate that I am afraid to look at the towel after a bath.

How can one with these negatives mouth an I Love You to such a beautiful creature?

Anyhow I had to do that for my own sake. I looked forward to a perfect opportunity for that.

I kept the matter to myself. Didn’t share it even with my best friend Rajeev.

Rajeev!

He had the ability to maintain two or three love relationships at a time. He was a flamboyant tall youth with Surya looks and had a way with girls. You can find him bumping into a girl, mumbling some excuses, flashing an apologetic smile, and he had created an indelible impression in her mind. It was as simple as that.

As he was doing his final year post graduation in another discipline it took some time for him to spot her. But he did not wasted time. He crash-landed while I was hovering in the sky.

It was not a surprise for me when he told me about his new love. He was going to drop everything in his list and this girl will be his last. I had heard this several times.

But it shattered me when he pointed her as his new love.

He introduced me to her.

“My best friend Rahul.” He slapped my back.

I managed a weak smile at her somehow.

“I know him. He is my senior.” I noticed her voice was the best one I had ever heard.

“I am Meghna.” She offered her hand with a hearty smile.

I took it with a trembling hand.

She seemed not to notice my tremble as Rajeev cracked some joke about something and she got busy with it.

Hers were the most beautiful pair of hands I had ever seen. Its complexion was milky. I could see blue veins running in her arms like rivers. I wanted to burry my face in those palms. I wanted them to caress my face and hair. I kept staring at the soft golden hairs glistening on her arm and her well manicured nails.

How cute!

And to realize it belonged to my best friend!

I let out a sigh of desperation.

She had withdrawn her hands from mine casually.

He cracked a stale wit and she burst into laughter. I noticed laughter enhanced her beauty. She was the combination of many good things.

Rajeev insisted she should have a soft drink from the college canteen.

She kept on refusing. The victory was his and the couple walked away from me.

“Bye Rahul, see you.” She flashed me a smile before leaving.

My throat had a sudden lump in it. My eyes had glints of tears in them.

And I had blamed it on fate.

PRESENT

It is her wedding day and it is not Rajeev who is going to marry her.

The lucky person is an IT whiz named Rohit working abroad.

I am outside the wedding hall with a present.

It might be the model of a Tajmahal or broken hearts.

Rajeev’s present for Meghna.

I have reached the hall.

The couple is posing for the camera in dazzling light.

I noticed Rohit was shorter and obese than me. Also his complexion was darker than mine. His hair was scanty. His bulgan beard and little tiny moustache were worth a laugh.

Why I am finding faults with him? May be I am green with envy.

I am speechless of her appearance.

She was the most beautiful woman on the earth.

She wore a fake smile. I was sure about that.

Her mother spotted me in the crowd. She whispered to her husband pointing at me. He approached me with a big smile.

“Why you stand here a stranger? Come and wish her? Ah! There is a present! Come and give it to her.”

He took me by my free elbow to the stage.

He introduced me to the bridegroom who listened to the commentary with a smile which was not honest.

Mechanically I handed over the gift to her and shook hands with him mumbling some cliche wishes on marriage. I could sense he did not care for me by the grip of his dead fish handshake. Soon there were flashes and camera whirring.

“Don’t be so grim. Say cheese.” The image-capturer loudly said.

I attempted a smile and ended up with a smirk.

I stole a look at her cute face.

How I loved it?

Suddenly I had a lump in my throat. My eyes had started to well.

“Cheat.” She muttered under her breath.

I was nonplussed. I can’t believe my ears.

She resumed her fake smile for the cameras.

She took two steps to her left which separated her from the earshot of her husband who was now busy with his cell phone.

“Bloody cheat.” Her voice was not a whisper. It had life in it.

I gaped at her.

“How dare you stand in front of me with a present?”

I tried to bring out something with my tongue, in vain.

“You think you are smart?”

I didn’t know what to reply. I kept on staring at her.

“It was you who warned my parents. It was you who fed them our plans to its minute detail. You cheated me. You cheated your best friend Rajeev. How I hate you filthy pig!” She raged.

“What have I done?” I stammered.

“Cut the naïve act Rahul. It is nauseating.”

“You better tell me. What have I done to hurt you? I want a definite answer.” My voice trembled with effort.

“9387423432. Is that your cell number?”

“Yes.” Why should I lie about my cell number?

“You called my parents from your cell phone informing our plans. You are a cheat to the core. How I hate you? Get lost off my sight.” She trembled with rage.

Now things became crystal clear to me.

I got down the stage without another word. I walked like a blind man. As I reached my car the cell phone began to ring. It was Rajeev. I rejected the call. But he kept on trying.

Fed up, I honored his fourth attempt.

“Why are you rejecting the call, you idiot?” was his opening.

“Have you seen her? Have you talked to her? Have you told her I was helpless? Rahul, are you there?” he was over exerting himself.

As my best friend waited for my answer, I gave it to him.

“Bloody cheat.”

FLASHBACK AGAIN

College days were over. The job hunt had begun.

As Rajeev was still trying, I ended up in a new generation bank in the home loan section.

“It is cheap sir, the best rate in the market sir, no good deal of paper works sir, and no processing fee sir, please sir, please…..”

I was following this routine for the past six months. The home loan head was a tough guy with Amrish Puri looks who kept on reminding the sun will not set for us unless we attain our targets. The job was tough. I started with a big smile every morning and ended the day with a big scowl. The targets were set so high that I could not attain it even for once in the past six months. By the end of the day I was too exhausted that dropped dead in the bed as soon as I entered my room.

It was one of those days in cell phone started ringing incessantly at an odd hour at night. I took it groggily in the middle of its third
series ringing and mouthed a hoarse hello to the mouthpiece.

Rajeev called me some names as a start.

“You hit the bed so early?” He asked.

“It is past eleven.” I grumbled in irritation looking at the glowing green digital numbers of the time piece.

“Where am I? Tell me?” He asked.

“Do you have alzheimers? Or are you getting senile before your age?” I snapped.

“Cool it baldie. I am in a holiday resort in Moonnar.”

“Good for you.”

“It is very cold here fatty.”

“Here it is scorching hot.”

My windows stood wide opened and the ceiling fan performed its best. Still it did not help. Mosquitoes were attacking me left and right despite the repellant machine which functioned with a glow.

“Guess who is with me in this room?”

“You better tell.” I was getting irritated. Why the hell should I guess? I sincerely wished if he put down the phone.

“Take a wild guess.” He was not letting me off.

“Why should I?” My voice carried anger. I am working hard as a mule and he is having a blast. It was envy more than anger.

“Cool,cool. Take a shot in the dark, fatty. You know her.” He chuckled.

Meghna?

Hell, no. She is not that type.

“Might be someone from the gutter.” I said in contempt.

A string of obscenities was the reply to that.

“Ok. I am breaking the suspense.” He finally said. I waited for the answer anxiously.

“It is Meghna.” His dramatic announcement sounded like a roar.

Oh my God, Oh my cruel God!

I felt someone had banged my head with a hammer.

I sat up as a stick. Sleep was gone.

“Come again.” I stuttered.

He roared with laughter at my response.

“We reached here today morning. Planned to spend a romantic day. But around 2 in the afternoon it started to pour cats and dogs and some trees fell on the road making the return trip impossible. We got a room in a resort. It is so romantic here.” He hummed a soft tune.

“She did not object?” I was anxious to know.

“She was dead against that. She had insisted on separate rooms. To my sheer luck there was only this one. I promised her I won’t touch her.”

“You’ll stick to your promise?”

“Such promises are not to keep.” He let out a wicked laugh.

“Hell of a day.” He continued.

“Why?”

“I remember a bearded one who stinks than a septic tank bumping into me in the restaurant mumbling a sorry. Got the real meaning of sorry when I searched my pocket for my purse to pay our lunch.”

“Then how did you settle the bill?”

“She had some cash in her purse which helped us out.”

“How will you pay the room rent and all?”

“I pawned her bracelet with the hotel manager who does money
lending as side business with exorbitant interest rate.”

Moments of silence passed.

“Are you there Rahul?”

I grunted in reply.

“We are going to make it to the bed, man.” He was ecstatic.

I just could not imagine Rajeev lying next to Meghna.

“Where is she?”

“She is taking a bath. I had mine.”

“But you never bath at night.” I protested.

“Today is a special day my dear friend.” He chuckled.

God Almighty! What a situation?

“Will not the hostel warden enquire about her absence?” I meekly asked.

“She left the hostel to home.”

That settles the problem.

What else to say? Yes, there is one. An important one.

“You have any precautions?”

“Like what?”

“You better use rubber.”

At least don’t make her pregnant, dammit.

“Oh, that! I bought a pack from the resort shop. Everything is set my friend. Buddy, she is coming. I’ll call you later.”

I could hear her voice asking him who he had on the phone, before he ended the call.

I lay wide awake for some time thinking about this and that.

I woke up with a monster headache the next day that I applied for a leave.

***

Two days later I had an ear to ear grinning Rajeev with me.

They did it all right at the resort. She did not budge at first. But with his sweet talks and sad face she yielded to him. Before doing that she made him promise he will marry her come hell or high water.

He narrated the entire episode in detail and I listened to it with bated breath. As he finished it I let out a sigh.

He had released the pawned bracelet. He gave it to me. I held it in my hands and read the Meghna engraved on it. I had some feelings as I had it in my hands. I felt I was holding her hand.

He wanted to return the bracelet back to Meghna.

And he has chosen me to do that.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Her father is a police circle inspector. If the plan goes haywire I’ll receive whirring punches in the face. It is damn risky.”

“What is not? Life is full of risks. Road accidents happen every day. Still why we travel in vehicles? It is risky, no? We take that risk. Isn’t your job risky? An earthquake can happen any moment. A tsunami can sweep away this city in no time. Mullapperiyar dam can burst anytime flooding this and neighboring five districts.”

He went on stating this and that. One cannot beat him in an argument. He will go to any extent with his tongue.

“Why can’t you give it to her personally? You can meet her at the college.”

“College is closed for a week.”

“So give it after one week. Simple.”

“What will she think of me?”

Oh! That is the real issue.

“You are lovers. She doesn’t trust you with a bracelet?” I tried another angle to get out of the trap.

“It is not fair, Rahul. It doesn’t suit my style. It is against my identity.”

The twenty three thousand five hundred he has borrowed from me over a span of 2 years and has shown no signs of repaying it suits him fine and definitely not hurting his identity!

“Why can’t you pay her a visit at her home?”

“Her parents have blacklisted me. They smell something is going around. Neighbors are nosy too. You are the apt person to do that. No second thoughts about that. With your fat short size, chubby moustache less innocent face and bald head you will easily pass their test.”

Till day those features had been my demerits!

“She speaks high of you.” He said.

“And what is that?” I was anxious to know.

“That you are a gentleman.”

I was really pleased and was not dumb enough to show it in my face.

I had to agree. He persuaded me to commit it. He quoted old stuff like “a friend in need is a friend indeed” and lectured about the virtue of friendship. Yes, I am his best friend. I am his sidekick. I am obliged to help him out. I should do it willy-nilly.

I was going to perform the dangerous task the very day itself.

***

He had phoned Meghna about my visit.

He parked his bike some hundred meters away from her house and wished me luck slapping my back.

With my poor heart beating violently against my even poorer ribs I walked to her house.

Some youngsters were playing cricket on the road. Some tough looking guys watched the kids with interest. I had confirmed her father was not home. But if her mother smell a rat on my visit and raised her voice, these tough looking guys will get real dirty on me.

By the time I reached the gate of her house my shirt was soaked with sweat.

Mumbling a pray to the Almighty I opened the gate and entered the house.

A woman came to the threshold with a dubious look.

“Is this Meghna’s house? I am a college mate.” I was supposed to say these dialogues nonchalantly according to Rajeev’s screenplay. 

Before I could open my mouth she shouted my name from the balcony.

“Hey Rahul. Macha what’s up?” She improvised the script. Thank you dear for saving me from delivering the opening dialogues.

She came down in a flash and introduced me to her mother. After that she politely invited me to her house with a bright smile. All these happened in a matter of seconds. 

I entered the house.

“Wow, this is a surprise. A visit has a reason. Tell me?”

Now she was sticking to the script.

“Er, it is regarding Deepa, your classmate. If you happen to have her cell phone number, can I have it please?”

I wore a begging expression.

“You don’t have it?” She had an incredulous expression in return.

“It seems she got a new sim.”

“I am sorry macha. I don’t have her number. Though she is my classmate, she and I are not so close.”

The reply was quick.

“Please bring him something to drink, Amma.” She told her mother.

“It is not necessary.” It was a dialogue out of the perfect script. My polite manners which sprung upon my tongue all of a sudden made me to say that.

“I feel it is.” She was gifted with spontaneity.

She glared at me for my script improvisation.

Her mother flashed me a smile before going into the house.

I handed over the bracelet to her in a hurry. She put it inside her blouse giving me a wink. I felt my knees were giving away. I sat in a chair and gestured her to switch on the fan.

Her mother came with the yellow coloured drink in a not smaller glass which I finished in two big gulps. The yellow liquid drooled over my shirt which I wiped absent-mindedly with my back hand. Was I under acting or over acting? My mind was blank about the next move. What was it? Then she helped me with a cue. Her wide dreamy eyes asked me to clear the scene.

“Thanks.” I stood up.

“Drop in sometime.” She told with another wink.

I could not answer that. My mouth suddenly went dry as I longed for another drink. I nodded like a fool and stepped out under the sun.

“I’ll try to get her number. Well, I am not promising anything. I’ll try. Your cell number please. I’ll give you a call if I succeed.” She altered the script again.

I looked back in alarm and got another wink. There was a mischievous smile on her face.

I told it was 9387423432 which she jotted down in the home telephone index. I walked towards the gate feeling the glaring sun on my bald pate.

“He was in love with Deepa. They had a break up. Now he wants to reconcile. So the visit. Poor guy.”

The explanation she offered her mother trailed after me.

I shook my head in disbelief and shame.

Rajeev had not briefed me the concluding part of the script. It was strictly between the lovers.

I felt very low. My self respect was hurt. I wanted to kill Rajeev.

***

February 13.

Two months had elapsed since that incident. We had swapped some harsh dialogues on the matter. The parting was not so friendly. He did not call me after that neither did me.

I was getting well with my job and my boss was happy with me.

I was after a thirty million housing loan from that morning onwards. Rajeev’s calls kept on coming and I was not free to attend it. I made a mental note to call him once I was free. By the afternoon I had nineteen missed calls of Rajeev. And I was so busy that I could not call him.

As I reached my apartment in the evening my cell phone started ringing again. It was Rajeev again. I decided to call him back after a shower and silenced the twentieth call also.

As I was fumbling with my house key, a figure came out.

Rajeev! He was lurking in the shadows to give me a fright.

“So you were purposively avoiding me.” He raged.

“I was planning to call you after a shower. Today was a hectic one.”

“I don’t believe you. Bloody liar.” His voice trembled with anger.

A volley of abuses followed which I listened silently. I was caught red-handed and deserved those stinking filthy vocabulary. 

After sometime he calmed down. I opened the door and went for a quick bath. When I stepped out of the bathroom I found him brooding.

I had food from outside. He admitted he had not eaten anything after breakfast but he was not hungry. I made a quick noodles dinner for him. He kept toying with the food his mind wandering somewhere.

“Have it.” I persuaded him.

He took a spoonful and started to think again.

Something had gone wrong with him. He looked tired. There were dark circles around his eyes. His hair was unkempt. He looked disheveled.

“What’s bugging you?” Finally I asked.

“What? Nothing.”

“Then finish it before it turns cold.”

He took another spoonful. I left him there and started to iron my clothes for tomorrow.

“Tomorrow evening we are eloping.” He put it plainly.

Ouch!

I turned off the iron box and faced him.

Today is the thirteenth of February. Tomorrow is the fourteenth.

February 14.

Valentine’s day!

Roman Priest Valentine stood for loving hearts. He was the friend of lovers. Valentine performed the marriage ceremony of many young couple. Roman ruler Claudius yearned for a vast army. Emperor Claudius came to know married males hated to be a part of the war. Marriage was a hindrance to his dream of a vast army. So he banned marriage in Rome. But Valentine continued joining loving hearts secretly in the sacrament of matrimony. One night as he was secretly joining a couple in the flickering light of a candle, the soldiers of Claudius arrested Valentine and imprisoned him. Claudius executed him in A.D 270 February 14.

History rushed into my mind.

So Rajeev and Meghna have chosen Valentine’s day to elope. How sweet! How romantic! Rajeev told me it was she who chose the day.

“There is no other way.” He said.

A marriage proposal has suddenly come along the way of Meghna. As it is a good one, her parents have affirmed it. They have not considered her pleas not to marry her off in haste. It will happen in two weeks time.

“Are her parents aware about your affair?”

“She has told them.”

“Then?”

“They will not approve.”

“Eloping is not a remedy to this problem. It is a stale method. Can’t you approach this issue practically?”

“How?”

“Meet her father for a man-to-man talk.”

“Things have gone beyond that.”

“Which means?”

“He even knows what went between us in Moonnar.”

“Who told him? You?”

“She.”

“Then?”

“He asked her if she is pregnant. When she replied a no he told her to forget the incident and to keep it a secret. He threatened me over the phone. I have to forget her. If not, be prepared to face the dire consequences. He has police power, no? I told him to go to hell.”

Rajeev was panting when he finished.

Silence.

“She swears she will commit suicide if I don’t marry her. What will I do? I will go mad.”

He held his head with both his hands.

He was quite a sight. I felt sorry for him.

“What is your opinion?” he eyed me.

“Well, what value my opinion has as it is decided between you two?”

“What an answer is that?”

“What do you expect me to say?”

“Why are you angry with me?”

“You are blind with love. You are still in the hangover of the campus days. Try to make her understand the situation. Both of you are unemployed. What will you do for your living? Where will you elope? This is pure madness.”

He had nothing to say. My smart friend who was a vibrant wit bag sat there like a pricked balloon. His pathetic face gave me strength to continue. A wave of secret satisfaction engulfed me as I scored on him after all these years. And I decided to use my brain with all its might.

I pumped the realities of raw life into the lover’s mind. He listened to me like a zombie without countering.  When I got exhausted with the exertion I was sure there was nothing else to say more.
I made bed for him and went to sleep.

When I woke up in the midnight I found him pacing in the room.
I barked at him to go to sleep which he obeyed without a word.

                                            ***

February 14.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I woke up to Rajeev’s voice. He was talking to someone from outside. The front door stood ajar. While I lay wondering with whom he was conversing in the wee hours, he came inside with my cell phone in his hand. It was apparent he had a sleepless night. He looked awkward.

“My battery is low.” He explained.

“Is there any change in your decision?” I asked.

“No.”

“Where are you heading to?”

“Haven’t decided yet. World is a big place, isn’t it?”

Perfect answer!

I stopped at that.

His slim wallet contained less than three thousand. Apart the cash he had a gold chain and a ring as the capital for the business of elopement.

I gave up the idea of talking him out of that. I took leave for the day and shrinked my savings bank account to the required minimum balance.

He shoved the twenty two thousand one hundred rupees which I gave him into his slim purse. After brunch near to noon we set out to the beach which was the meeting spot as decided between the lovers. We reached there around 4 in the evening.

One hour to go before she arrived.

We sat in the sea view park and I watched the love birds dreaming their future. It was Valentine’s Day and the beach was full of young couple. It is said love becomes intense on that day of love commemoration. A female was laughing her head off at the joke of her lover. She was going red in the face with the effort. What was the comedy which made her laugh like that? I wondered.

Rajeev was getting nervous as minutes went by. He fidgeted in many ways. He bit his nails, moustache and tugged at his wavy hair. He was a sight! He was crumbling down before me. I felt sorry for him.

My watch showed 5 pm. He stood up and paced up and down casting glances at the watch and the road.

The time dragged to 5.30 and then to 6.00.

I told him to try her cell phone. He replied it was seized by her parents.

I stood up when the time reached 7.30.

“I think we should move on. It is no use of waiting for her anymore. Let us push on Rajeev.” I declared.

Then he burst into tears. He cried like a kid, his body shaking with spasms. And I lend my shoulders for him to do that. I patted his back and soothed him saying this and that.

I too cried. His pains are mine too as he is my best friend.

TAIL END

The story ends here almost. Rajeev had tipped off Meghna’s parents about their elopement plans from my cell phone anonymously. He was confident to a great extent she will not turn up at the beach. To my bad luck she came to learn it was the call from my cell phone which put an end to her dreams. I became her enemy and the hero of her parents. Though I tried to convince her parents many times that it was not me who gave the tip, they did not believe me. They asserted if the cell number was mine, it was me who made the call. Finally I gave up justifying me.

Rajeev continues to be my best friend. It was his circumstances which made him play dirty. He apologised and cried. And I forgave him.

Meghna’s mother gave me a call the day after the wedding. Meghna is flying UK soon. She thanked me profusely which brought tears to my eyes. I was God sent, she said. She would like it very much if I keep in touch. She and her husband owed me too much since I sacrificed my friendship for their daughter’s bright future. She went to the extent that I am her unborn son.

Unborn son?

I accept those compliments with all my heart except the ‘unborn son’ part. Meghna is still with me. She comes to my mind at least once an hour. She is still my dream girl. How can I consider her my sister?  She is still the angel of my life though my image is devilish in her mind.

That perfectly sculptured size zero figure, heart shaped face, Angelina jolie full lips, innocent smile and finally those eyes. When I think of her eyes a shiver still goes up my spine and has goose bumps all over me. 

How can I forget all those? I can’t. They say first love last with one till his or hers last breath.

Yes, it is true.

Its power is so intense.

One has to experience it to feel its strength.

It is a fine feeling.

And it is cruel that it makes you cry.

I know I can’t go on like this forever.

I have to move on.

I will. Eventually, I will.

But I can’t forget her till my end I am sure.

Meghna is my first love.

And it was love at first sight.

                               *********************